But if you can keep each other safe, you will be able to use your intelligence to help you make the changes you both need. If you reach an impasse and don't seem to be getting anywhere, or if one of you is starting to make demands, show disrespect, or become angry, stop negotiating and come back to the issue later.
The secret to understanding your partner is to try to think like your partners Taker thinks. But lasting peace must be forged with your partners Taker, so your solutions must appeal to your partners most selfish instincts.
At the same time, they must also appeal to your own selfish instincts.
Don't let an impasse prevent you from giving yourself a chance to think about the issue. Once you have set ground rules that guarantee a safe and enjoyable discussion, you are ready to negotiate. First you must understand the problem from the perspectives of both you and your partner.
Let it incubate for a while, and youll be amazed what your mind can do when the issue comes up later. Most couples try to resolve a conflict without doing their homework.
But negotiations can open a can of worms, so be prepared for negative emotional reactions.
Your partner may begin to feel uncomfortable about something you say.
Set ground rules to make negotiation pleasant and safe.
Most couples view negotiation as a trip to the torture chamber.
In fact the only way you will reach an enthusiastic agreement is if you come up with a solution that accommodates each others perspective. I know that can seem impossible if you and your partner have drifted into incompatibility.