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' and she said, ' No.' And I said, ' So how does he eat? Demetri Martin I like fruit baskets because it gives you the ability to mail someone a piece of fruit without appearing insane.

Like, if someone just mailed you an apple you'd be like, 'huh? ' But if it's in a fruit basket you're like, 'this is nice!

' Demetri Martin For example, I was a White House intern the summer before I dropped out of law school. I'd come home and go to church and everybody would say, ' Oh, my God.

You're gonna be fine.' ' Dude, I am so stoked to win this Nobel Prize.

I just wanna thank Kevin, and Turtle, and all my homies.' Demetri Martin I think that when you get dressed in the morning, sometimes you're really making a decision about your behavior for the day.

I love women, but I feel like you can't trust some of them. Like I was in the park and I met this girl, she was cute and she had a dog. I want to create a video game in which you have to help all the characters who have died in the other games. Some of them are big liars, like this one woman I met who had a dog.

' Grapes: The Fruit of Hope.' Demetri Martin I like video games, but they are very violent. Demetri Martin I like women, but you can't always trust them.

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